|
IS LIFE A STRUGGLE?
The earliest memories I have are from the age of 3. I can recall being at my godfathers place. He was the president of a motorcycle club in North East Victoria. I spent a lot of time in this environment during the early stages of my life. From what my mother has told me I used to get passed around the table when I was around 18 months old, given sips of beer. I’m sure that would have been amusing to those people at the time but later in life I became an alcoholic.
Throughout my early childhood I loved sport and the outdoors, but although there were good memories from growing up, the bad always seemed to outweigh the good. I was only about 2 when my father was involved in a murder case. He was charged but never convicted, but memories of violence - both physical and mental - have always remained and I remember my father as a very nasty person who inflicted pain wherever he went.
When I was about 4 we moved to a town in Gippsland. My mother used to come into my room and look out the window with me; we used to look out into the distance where we could see the white covered mountains. It was God for sure. Although I never knew this at the time, I now know my mother did. That was the happiest memory of my childhood. When I look back now I see so many areas where God was at work in our lives.
My father was a violent man; my mother would tell me later in life that most weekends he would come home with blood on his jeans as a result of a fight. His best mate, my godfather, was killed in a so-called motorbike accident when I was about 4. I think my father went off the rails a little bit after that. It wasn’t uncommon for him to belt my mother in front of my little sister and I, and if he wasn’t inflicting pain himself, he was encouraging it. I remember when my father’s mates put me under a beanbag and held down all the corners so I could not get out. I was so scared and I still have nightmares about it to this day. I was about 5 when my mother left my father; we went to live with my uncle for a little while because my mother was scared of my father. I honor my mother today as I write this testimony of my life and I give glory to God for who she is today. She is a strong woman. From the age of about 6 mum was separated and raising two kids alone; two kids who were already condemned by the world.
I started school but because of the murder case surrounding my father it was hard to make friends. I know now that this was the influence of their parents, but as a kid I just thought I was different and it was because of this that I started to get a bad attitude towards life and became easily angered over the slightest thing. At a young age I began pushing people away. I thank God I excelled at sport because it gave me a release from reality. I played football, cricket and basketball. I used to look forward to going fishing too and when we went to our father’s for the weekend this was all we ever did. He would never buy us anything for Christmas or birthdays or take us to the shop. All we ever did was go fishing; he only lived 5 minutes from the river. He used to tell me that he forgot his smokes back in the house and he would ask me to go back and get them. Little did I realise that while I was gone he would be sexually assaulting my sister. This happened over a number of years. My sister never brought it up until I was 25 but by this stage my mother had already told me. A family member also sexually assaulted me when I was young. This happened on more than one occasion.
At the age of fifteen I was put into a special school; it was a school for kids that had anger problems or just struggled at school. I only attended for half of year 9. In that same year I tore my hamstring playing football and missed three quarters of the season. I got so disappointed and found myself hanging around the ‘wrong crew’. I started smoking and drinking and stopped focusing on what was good in my life. By then my mother had met my stepfather who had no clue of our background and struggled to understand my sister and I. I think mum was too scared to tell him what we had been through in case he took off. I felt like I was replaced as man of the house and this was difficult because that was how I had built myself up. I didn’t have time to worry about myself back then because I felt responsible for looking after my mother and sister. I thought that was my job so when my stepfather came along I didn’t know how I was meant to act, I felt he was doing my job. I felt as though my life had no purpose. It was from then on I began my life of crime and violence.
I don’t blame my mother for asking me to leave when I was 16, I was too angry to live at home. By then my little brother Jacob was born, who I love dearly. I went to live with my stepsister and by the age of 18 I was a drug addict. Marijuana, speed, ecstasy, heroin, and cocaine, but if that wasn’t enough, at the end of the day there was always alcohol. I couldn’t even hold a job down for more than 12 months.
By the age of 23 my first child was born but soon after that I went to jail. I now have two sons, their names are Isaiah and Lucas, and they are now 3 years and 8 months old. By the time my second son was born I was in jail for the second time.
Today is the 19th August 2008. I have a full time job and am now off the drugs and alcohol. I am going to get back into my football and I am currently training. I am looking to go back to TAFE so I can get my welding certificates and run my own business. I am currently living at House of Restoration in Box Hill. I know it was God who brought me here and now I am able to share my testimony with others that have been in my position. Hopefully this will inspire them to keep persevering, knowing that God’s love never fails. I have come to understand the truth of life over the last 2 months and God is pushing me to further heights. I understand where I can go and what can be accomplished. I understand that God is love, and that the truth sets me free. I am very blessed to be able share this with you and may God open your hearts that you may understand this message. For it is by the grace of God that we are able to overcome our struggles in life. It is His glory, not mine.
I believe every man’s heart is in search of God. I believe it is every man’s quest to know the truth. So what do we know of the truth and what do we know of God? I believe everyone knows God. Is this true you ask? I believe yes, it is. God is love and everyone knows what love is. At some point in their life, they would have felt this, even if it was just for a little while. When we are born, we are born into love. “Love suffers long and is kind, love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, it does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, love never fails.” People need to see how important this message is; without love there is nothing in this world that can bring you to God. “Jesus is the way, the truth and the life.” Please take heed to this message from God, for if we have not love, then we have nothing. God gave His only son out of love so that we could be saved, so that we may be justified. So people hear this message: live in the truth of love and you shall be set free, for it is God’s grace that allows it. Amen.
What is the truth? The truth is God. Who is God? God is love. So how do we walk in the truth? We walk in the truth that is Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour our Redeemer.
|
